Failure

I pinned down today one of the most draining things about this: I'm not used to failure. I don't say this to sound cocky or boastful. I've certainly failed before. But the truth is, I was privileged enough to be set up for success for most things in my life so far. Unfortunately, I am not yet a very good teacher. In fact, I think it would be fair to say I'm a pretty bad teacher. It's not unexpected in this situation, I suppose. Five weeks of training isn't much. It's still not something I'm used to though. And it is definitely draining.

Aside from the small comfort of being able to say "hey, maybe that's why I feel like crap. ok, at least the beast has a face" it's given me a whole new appreciation for some of my students. I can't imagine the kind of strength it takes for some of them to come to school every day when all their lives they've been told they're not smart, they've scored low on tests, they've been afforded fewer opportunities just because of who they are. If you've been set up for failure, and therefore have had less success, think of the strength it takes to continue on with no reason to believe anything is going to change. So, I feel as though I might have some notion now of what it feels like to know you're not doing well but to keep trying, and perhaps this will lead me to some strategies for encouraging those students once I figure out what keeps me going.